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The Wounds of Being Fatherless

Updated: Aug 26, 2023

A biological father plays an important role in our lives.

Fathers shape and mold us into young women without even knowing it. When they provide the love, respect, comfort, support and encouragement we need, we believe that we can accomplish anything. When a father provides the nourishment and developmental support we need, the probability of healthy relationships are greater. As adults, we make better decisions when it comes to dating and life in general. We do not allow people to walk over us nor mistreat us. Our fathers are the first male to provide us with security and protection, love and how we should be treated. Father’s are to be the first date, first love and role model to their daughter. Growing up without those things causes low self-esteem, an unworthiness of love, unhealthy relationships and many hard lessons in false love.

I grew up with my biological father being in and out of prison, so he was not there physically or emotionally a lot of the time. Did I need him, yes. Did he know that, no. His father passed away when he was two which left him without a role model or teacher. I was already damaged due to the sexual abuse I survived. He did not know how to love or care for me. He did not teach me how a man should treat me per say, but I would watch him go to work, get paid and bring the check home for my mom to pay the bills. We never enjoyed a father daughter dance or anything of that nature. The only thing my father expected of me was to graduate high school. Am I saying my father is the worst, absolutely not, but what I am saying is that he did the best he knew how. It took me quite some time to come to grips with that. I wanted to be loved and cared for by my father, but he was not capable, which did more damage to my spirit.

Fathers, whether they come in the shape of an uncle, grandfather, Godfather, or just a strong male figure, he is very much needed. The love, affection and quality time a father bestows upon his female seed is priceless. These things shape and mold daughters into something extra special. Am I saying a single mother can’t do the same, no, but a father’s love truly makes a difference. I know for a fact that if my dad was truly embedded in my life the way a father should be I don’t think my life would have turned out the same. I still do not receive the emotional attachment I longed for, but he tells me he loves me and he shows it when something happens. I just have to understand how he loves and move forward. I have since been able to forgive my father and encourage a better relationship with him. It is always a work in progress. So, to those who grew up without a father, it is time to release the anger and bitterness which has your heart hardened and give it to God. Allow him to heal you from the inside out, as he is the greatest father any of us could ever have.

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